Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Sometimes we say things to people... without realising how much it affects them.... i mean... there is no reason why it should. But it does.
I saw one example of this... myself. There is this person... who was having a torrid breakup... and I barely knew her.... and we were talking... and I said..."I barely know you. But from what little I do know. You are one of the kindest, selfless people I have met. Only a really really lucky guy deserves to have you. And only a fool would give you up. This guy was the second one. Let it go."
Why did I say it? I.... don't know. It was just probably the corniest thing I could think of at the moment which didn't sound corny enough. Something to say without thinking too much.
A year later we are back in touch again. And she tells me "remember what you said?" No I didn't honestly.... until she repeats it back to me word for word. And tells me that it completely changed her outlook on life. Instead of running after relationships, she realised the importance of self worth. And soon enough.... the ideal relationship found her. When she wasn't looking at all. And they've been great ever since.
Works the other way too...
Somebody told me they find talking to me "unsettling".... (please... I am not holding it against you... just making a point)... It shouldn't bother me... it's fairly insignificant person making a comment that is fairly insignificant to me life in general. But it's affected me. Quite strangely. Every time these days that I make acquintance with someone of the opposite sex... that comes into my head... and sits on my shoulder like a tine winged Imp... "what's you doing wrong?, what're you doing wrong?"
And just when we get to the point that she says "You're heaps fun to talk to ... we should do this more often"... I panic... and I tell her.... "be careful what you ask for. There are people out there who'll never talk to me again."
"why?"
"I dunno. But one of them told me I am too 'unsettling'. So I am letting you know now. I can be .... 'unsettling' apparently. So please don't hate me later on.... just know this now.. don't say I didn't warn you... coz I did."
And then I watch. Their salad fork stops in mid-air and the olive falls off... the sudden exhalation blows off the foam from her capuccino.... the chat window freezes a little longer.... some don't blink... some squint... Some give nervous laugh thinking I am joking only to realise I am not... they don't know what to say.. neither do I.
I have to get over this.... It's unnecessary and trivial. I am sure it is. But you know what. Sometimes at night... you lie in bed and sleep doesn't come... and you think... and you drift... and you think about these things.... and not matter how much you tell yourself that it's trivial and stupid and the other person's deranged... some part of you always wonders.... "what if it's true?"
What if it is...
> 3 comments
7:13 AM
