Monday, February 06, 2006
Now people tell me that I speak ill of my mother too often. That I am unfair to her. I should lighten up and give her a break.
Well… allow me to describe to you the events surrounding this year’s Saraswati Pujo and then I’ll let you be the judge.
Now, as Bengali’s in a foreign land, most people are gripped by an insatiable urge to “associate”. Therefore they formed a Bengali Association in the godforsaken town. And they hold certain religious/cultural festivities throughout the year.
Q: What would you get if you put 5 bengalis on a deserted island and came back 3 years later.
A: 2 durga pujas.
Things aren’t better here. The 70 strong community of Bengalis are constantly at each other’s throats. The undercurrents of years of suppressed jealousy and hatred are just deadly. We’ve been here three years and have things pretty much worked out by now.
The thing is, Saraswati Pujo day is when the old Governing Committee steps down and a new committee is formed. Os after worshipping the god of knowledge, everybody just jumps for each other’s jugular.
It’s war out there. Make no mistake. Now if you have any brains you stay as far away as possible. Otherwise you take a side and you fight it out.
As a result, there is an immense lack of willing volunteers to fill up the executive positions in the committee. The only place to be in a mud-fight is far far away. Usually it ends up with one of the two alpha males being elected presidents and his sycophants filling up the other roles.
Now my mother….
Until now we have managed to tread something of a middle line. Smile. Wave. Talk to everybody. And nobody bothers with you. But as loud and opinionated people are often mistaken to be efficient, so the other Bengalis have decided that my mother would be a perfect person to take up atleast one of the roles on the committee, if not the main one. It would be a blatant lie if I were to say my mother was completely disinterested in that proposition. A number of times I have heard her begin sentences with “If I ran this Association…”. But she wasn’t really given a chance to deny that. My dad and I put our foot down. Saying we would have nothing to do with it if she went through. The biggest threat of all, we refused to drive her to the meetings. So she was dissuaded.
But how to avoid this. If we go to the Pujo she would be almost certainly forced and coerced into it. So we decide not to go. But what’s to be the excuse? Now normal people would have said “I have a headache”, but the beacon of truth and honesty that is my mother decided to schedule a long due colonoscopy on the day before. Imagine that (actually don’t.. it’s kinda disgusting). Obviously she would be too unwell to attend the next day. Now this she tells everybody and sympathy just keeps pouring in. With mumbled questions as to why this sudden examination. Did someone say cancer.
Now the hospital calls her up the day before the colonoscopy and cancels it. Uh oh! What to do now? A new excuse. Hell no! This is just too good to let pass. So she plays along telling everybody that she is still having the colonoscopy. Except her close friends ofcourse. Now I was there on Friday morning. The first phone call comes in.
“Hello. Is your mother at the hospital?”
Damn….. “Err.. I dunno… I think she’s in the bathroom.” Now she comes out mouthing “who? Who?”
“Mrs. Pal” I say.
“I’m at the hospital”.. she mouths
“Err… I thought she was in the bathroom… but actually she’s at the hospital. My mistake”….
Next call. “Is your mother there?”… “No.. at hospital.”… “Really? But a little birdy told me she was home.”
Crap! Now what… Run to mom.. “Mrs. Rudra… Mrs. Rudra”…. She grabs… “Hiiiiiiiiiii…. How’s things?”
At this point I just ran out of the house.
At 7 pm… a car suddenly pulls up into the driveway…. 5 large ladies and one large flower bouquet pour out. Headed by none other than Mrs. Pal… and there’s my mother… on the front lawn…. Sitting on her supposedly examined bottom tending to the rose bushes….
Hmmmm….
Anyway…. The story goes that they tried to do the test but found there were “other complications”. So they postponed it and gave her medicines. So she still can’t go to Saraswati Pujo.
So we didn’t go. The forced election was averted. But currently there are three stories regarding my mother’s colonoscopy doing the rounds.
1) She didn’t go. It was cancelled.
2) She went and got it done.
3) She went, but the doctor cancelled it and sent her home with medication.
Only a matter of time until two of these stories cross paths. That’s when the fun will really start.
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2:35 AM
